Communication Skills:
The “I’s” Have It
A well-known list called the “most important words to use” places “I” at the bottom as the least important. However, psychologists tell us that in some situations, the use of “I” is the best choice. This is particularly true when we are expressing our own viewpoint about an event, an action, the apparent attitudes of other persons, and so on. Using generalized statements (“Everybody dislikes that music”) implies the statement of a fact and may cause others to become defensive. Instead, saying “I dislike that music.” reflects a personal opinion.
General statements, as opposed to specifics, hinder clear communication. Facilitators should try to model and help others formulate specific, concrete reflections, comments, and suggestions.
Worse yet is the use of “you” when it may imply that one person is labeling another. For example, saying “You cause dissension when you talk like that” places the blame for the group's feelings onto one person. It is also a general statement that does not pinpoint any concrete cause for dissension. Instead, using “I” allows us to express our viewpoint without being offensive or lacking in respect to the person.
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